A moment presented itself while I faced a huge misunderstanding, and I felt salty on day one. This is day two, and I’ve decided to plot things out just like my father. The love, deep thought, and compassion of my mother will always be with me–I’m not going to let one or more people stop me from being me, just because they’ve had their light stepped on and snuffed out. But like my father, I’m also not going to hate and beat myself up. I’m not going to sulk and feel bad while not loving myself.
I decided to take hold of the “advice”, and work it to the fullest. I was super offended, because it was more like a father talking to his toddler, and not a mate talking to his partner. I was PISSED. Not even in my worst moments as a kid did my own father talk to me like that. I know I’m young and all, I know I’m mad jovial–but I’m not a pushover. I’m not going to sit around and be judged and talked down to.
I decided to go into my “corner”. Not a real corner. I’m not in my room right now, cowered in one spot. My “corner” refers to the things that make me happy. It refers to things that need to be done. It’s just me shutting some outlets off, excusing myself from certain people right now, and just really doing me. Keep in mind–I was told to reset and come back when I’m calm. So, I’m taking a play from my father’s book.
All I can say about the play is that for about one or two whole weeks, he did his own thing. He stayed in his own lane, he was the best Ron Williams he could possibly be, and all was right with his world. Sounds like a plan. How can I enjoy some weeks putting energy into me, myself, and I? Lots of ways.
- Continuing to hack away at the depression nest I made, because my room always becomes a shitstorm when that happens.
- Staying true to this JC thing.
- Getting some cute workout clothes. I already did that. They’re on the way.
- Working out. 15-30 minutes as a starter.
- Taking better care of myself. It’s amazing how neglect can mess you up when you’re not feeling your best.
- Working on my writing. All of it. Poetry, short stories, novels. Entering contests and all that.
- Binge watching Star Trek. My dad is a Trekkie. Maybe I want to become one too.
- Playing Lost Odyssey. FINALLY got a copy, finally playing it.
- Salvaging my grades. Geology is a bust and that needs to be retaken. But I have three other classes that have hope. I let shit get to me. I let myself get overwhelmed. Never again.
- Doing the babysitting thing.
- Listening to music. Finding new songs. Liking artists I’ve never given a good chance.
There is so much to do. There is so much to work on, and I have plenty of time to work on it. This isn’t a punishment, this isn’t a ruse to make anyone want or hate me more, this is just me taking tactical charge of rude advice. I am very calm, and very busy, darling.