Do The Work

Don’t be afraid to do what you have to do when it comes to exiting the space of toxic people, situations, and the like.

I wanted to write a long, reflective post on things I was feeling. I decided not to get all long and reflective today. I saw a spam message from someone–probably doesn’t even know his mail is sending it. Thought I blocked all his accounts, but apparently not. It was a simple question asked to a long list of people–women–and it kind of reminded me of why some things are the way they are. It also reminded me that no matter who you think you are, you cannot reprogram someone. You cannot really dismantle or re-wire what is hard-wired. You also cannot take every word they say for value nor promise.

I was heartbroken when I departed. Angry. I decided to tap into a petty state of being not to be hurtful, but to save myself a lot of trouble I’d already experienced a thousand times. Loving myself has been so hard, but caring for my mental health is no question anymore. For all the relationships and so-called “love and respect” some people bring, I’d rather be alone. That is, to say, available to someone–friends or romances–who’ll actually respect me.

I’m no longer heartbroken and angry. Sometimes annoyed, sometimes too deep in thought–but haven’t shed a tear or hit up my breakup list in a long time. I decided to be happy by removing any links to me people could attempt to access. So yes, they can think of me, talk about me, desire me, hate me, send me glitter in the mail–but they will never get any response from me ever again. Maybe that’s petty, after a certain amount of time. But that’s kept me far away from the clutches of drama I’m just too old for.

I did what I had to do. That’s All.

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