I am not a cool, popular person. I have my moments. Most of my moments are homebound, and I’ve become accustomed to this. Every now and then, I travel out into the big world for food, drink, medication, and maybe some kind of event. It’s a strange event for someone to have spent their teens and 20’s in this state. I suppose that’s why moments like today meant so much to me–it was a taste of what it’s like to have stuff to do. It was four classmates talking about totally dirty stuff over drinks, laughs, and a good time.
Down the street from the Harrison Red Line stop is a sports bar called South Loop Club. I pass it everyday, and pay it no mind as I swiftly carry all of this big body home in the belly of the metallic 95th-Red Line bound beast. I see people come and go all the time, figuring that I should label myself as a person who does not go to bars. I’ve neither the attire nor a reason to be there–or so I thought.
These are the kinds of adventures adults in my age range have been having for years. The thought of an afternoon drink in the South Loop or anywhere else in this world is probably not a big thing. For yours truly, it was like a wild ride fueled by bar fries, one tasty cosmo, and three of the most interesting classmates one could and SHOULD be blessed to have. It seems silly, especially after the fact that I’m not rushing to say “ohhh, my friends!”–but these people made a day that was already running on finals week fumes seem a little better.
I got to be a pervert today.
Oh, I know. That’s a bad thing, right? A sickening thing. A strange thing best left at home and on Tumblr posts. But alas–I got to show that part of myself that comes out freely when a drink of the pink is at hand. I had one, because I’m terribly poor. But I nursed my sweet beverage, laughing along with anecdotes about sex, flirtation, and pure adult humor. I was more than my shelled self in those few hours there, and it was a delight. Had I more money, I would have been over the moon. I regretted that part, but cherished the fact that I was in the company of two young women I liked, and well….that pretentious guy that I honestly have an admirable crush on.
I am not his type, but he has engaged in some interesting stories about who he is. His intelligence has once again stolen the show in my little world. I think he’s an interesting person. I can’t explain it–there’s something about him. It’s even sweeter seeing him be so playful with my fellow classmate Jaclyn. She would cringe and barf over the mirth it brings me, but she’s a sweet young lady. I don’t know why it makes me smile to see him play with her like that. While a part of me wishes I were beautiful enough and attractive enough for those kinds of things, something about seeing her relaxed and the target of his often strange, flirtatious humor makes me smile anyway.
It made me think of a lot of things, and for some reason I thought of…well…Darren. I stab myself in the brain for admitting that, digging up mental corpses I’ve decided to kill a thousand times, but I guess I won’t fight it in this moment. I am too over the moon to be fussing over details of why, how, and whom. I guess I was just thinking of the fact that we never met in the middle soon enough for him to watch me grow, or for us to level up and still be friends. As indifferent as he probably is to my forgotten presence, moments like today make me think of him.
The day was a long one, and I was ready to go home after all the talk and drinking were over. I felt good about myself. I felt different. I don’t know how to describe that feeling. Being somewhere with people, talking about social events and life–it was great. Finding people with a similar mindset was refreshing. Is this what it’s like to find your people? I like it.