Since New Year’s, my brain has been telling me to write entries. Then I stop, save them to draft, then delete later. I just can’t get out what I want to say. Is it too gritty? Too honest? Too many hard feelings for a new year? Why is my brain inspiring me and stopping me at the same time? It just doesn’t feel right soon as I get to the end of the piece. Funny thing, today my uncle asked how my writing was going. I write poetry every now and then, but I seem to be losing my muse…again. Once you write about heartbreak over exes who been around since ’04 (and keep coming back only to leave again…), things get kind of stale.
I think I stopped myself because, again, I worry that people will think this post and that post is about them–assuming in my self-absorbed world if they’re really out here checking for Tweet updates on latest posts. All I can say is this–there was one thing I really wanted, the universe played with me a bit like I was gonna get it, and I lost it…again. Silence is murder to me with that situation. I’m feeling a little wacky about it, but I also sort of saw it coming and wanted to deny it. Life goes on. People change their minds…for whatever valid reason they think is good enough.
Anyway, there’s no way to avoid bitterness and sadness sometimes. To dwell and examine it like I used to…ehhh…there’s too much life to live. Sometimes things happen just to mess with you, just to hurt you, just to see if you will be stopped. I cannot stop with so much world to see and understand.
All I will say is this–sincerity is a wonderful thing. Actions, investment, TRUTH. Concern, questions, dialogue can do wonders. Take it from an extreme introvert–words unsaid do a lot of damage. Some people like it that way, and wonder why the results always stay the same. I can only be there for you if you’re willing to let me be.
New year, new day.