I put off going to the retirement center to sign up for an entire week. It’s Friday. Last day before DadMom AngryPants starts warbling at me about doing things and getting out of the house. I put it off for so long because I was coughing and hacking and producing gross nasal and throat things! I didn’t want to be standing there all gross and icky!
It’s already a bad look for me, because I said “Monday” to myself and the lady via email. But again, sick! Now I’m sitting here, early in the morning, thinking of everything else to do instead of just getting up, getting dressed, and going. It would take me all of an hour to do. The retirement home is walking distance, and this is supposed to be a stress-free thing so I can (according to dad) “meet people, get out the house, and interact with the world…” Which is probably no big deal to people who do it every frickin day. For this catbear, it’s like starting up a new RPG adventure. What do I say, what do I do, and what armor do I put on first?
Such a silly person I am, wanting to have that oh so golden “social life” but never really getting people to like me enough to include me, aka also wondering how to “do” that. So, of course I want to go out and meet people and do stuff, but at the same time I cringe. If I’m still under the rock with nothing “FB worthy” or “Tumblr/IG worthy” to show off about social exploits, what has been the point?
Childish and silly, I know.
I’m there to help people, not for other crap. But with volunteering, don’t you meet people? The “other crap” presents itself. To have new things happen to you, you have to go out and try something new. I know. Gotta play it cool and neutral. Get a feel for the place before you assume it will be a song and dance of go and come with little to no interaction. It’s a snap judgement and assumption, though. Like…I’m not special, but around here it’s like aside from the weight thing I’m an odd duck. Nerdy, clumsy, not into the majority of popular shit…geeky, slightly a gamer…just…shit that ppl nervously smile at and don’t know what to do with. Or just laugh at because they don’t understand.
I don’t try to be anyone but myself. You can’t have everyone like you, but it’s nice to be recognized and appreciated. My focus, however, are for the people who need me. Thinking about it like a sad case makes it a sad case. Considering it helping my community makes it a good thing. I don’t know what will happen yet. I’m fearing what will.
Okay, okay. Going to do the thing.